Dainty’s Diary: Domestic Violence (1)


Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, or other abusive behavior which is part of a systematic pattern of power and control done by one intimate partner against another. It happens in various forms and the most popular of which are physical, sexual, psychological, and emotional violence/abuse. The frequency and rate at which domestic violence happens is alarming;  the major cause of domestic violence either physical, emotional or psychological is traceable to a party who consistently makes efforts to stay in the position of  power and have control over the other.

Domestic violence is real and spreading on a daily basis in homes and the  community at large, it has no restriction to  age, economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality. The major and similar trait of any abuser is just this thirst to dominate and maintain a particular position of power, when in most cases it is obvious nobody is competing the said position with them.  Domestic violence can result in physical injury, psychological trauma, and in severe cases, even death. The devastating physical, emotional, and psychological consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and last a lifetime. It is easy to blame victims of domestic abuse, throw one or two unsolicited advice here and there, and in most cases the people around them tend not to show empathy, and in most cases are accused of ignoring the signs. The truth here is, it is not easy to determine in the early stages of a relationship if one person is or will become abusive.



Domestic violence intensifies over time. Abusers may initially seem wonderful and perfect, but gradually become aggressive and controlling as the relationship progresses. Domestic abuse often begin with behaviors and traits that in most cases is easily dismissed or maybe of less concern such as; name-calling, threats, possessiveness, or lack of trust. Abusers are in most cases quick to  profusely apologize for their actions and try to convince the person they are abusing that they do these things out of love or because they care.

Domestic violence and control  intensifies over time despite the apologies and fake remorse, yes they are usually remorseful and may even cry bitter tears to drive home their point, you will agree with me that no one no matter how stone hearted will want to forgive someone who has shown remorse. The major tool an abuser uses, male or female is “isolation”, he or she makes sure they isolate their spouses from the people in their life no matter how dear; their friends become bad influences and their partner don’t have to tell their parents everything or go home to visit them every other month because they are no longer babies, everyone in their life becomes bad influence.

Keep up with the diary to read the concluding part of this piece next week.

Dainty is a woman with a strong passion for the oppressed, abused and rejected. A graduate of English who loves to write, read, sing and dance a lot. This diary will be about anything and everything that has to do with abuse, molestation and rejection. She’s not the type not to pick nose…like how does it feel not to do that?

She can be reached on Facebook: Alaba Mfoniso Jacobs and also on IG: @AlabaJacobs

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