By Tosin Adeyehun
Ever been to a special thanksgiving service in your town where someone shares a testimony about getting a visa “to abroad”? Have you ever taken time to notice the way they feel elevated above others; that feeling of accomplishment, the smile on their face, when the whole congregation church shouts in awe and gratitude to God for what according to them, is a “quantum leap”? Well, this captures the perfect way to describe the moment Tola shared the testimony of the goodness of her ‘boo’ to us.
He had just bought her a new phone after throwing a surprise birthday party for her. The intriguing part for her was that he bought the same type of phone for himself. For a moment, I can’t deny that I wasn’t envious. I wished I could trade places with her, (considering the fact that I needed a new phone then). I suppose the same thought ran through Bimpe and Sade’s minds too. I marveled at the way she celebrated him most especially how she called her family members to say ‘thank you’ to him, (which they all did), and how we were forced to do the same.
Segun was what some girls would pray for in a man, not only because of his generosity; (being generous is just a fraction of his many good qualities), he appears like a complete package, and he proved us right in many ways by treating Tola right, and also the people around her.
The whole story got a twist when Tola met B.J (as fondly called), a new guy. “Hey girls, calm down, it’s just a fling” was what she repeatedly told us when we asked but it turned out to be real when she began to mention his name in every sentence. According to her, B.J treats her like “the queen” as opposed to Segun’s way of treating her like just “a queen” (I’m not understanding).
To us, Tola bears luck charms from birth, we thought she was lucky with men and some would secretly wish that they had such charms, but her veneer of ‘lucky charms’ soon began to crack when she convinced herself that she was in what she called ‘love’ with B.J. Then, Segun became the villain and we had to settle disputes which sometimes would go on for days without ceasing.
On a fateful day, there was a heated argument between the two love birds (Segun and Tola). I jumped in and tried to reduce the heat of the argument when she said; “I’m tired, let him get another job, I can’t keep put up with this charade anymore, I’m tired of hearing; “I don’t have money”. Really! “Haba! Babe, cut this guy some slack, he’s trying his best for you, afterall he’s not your father”. These were the words I could find but she snapped at me like I said something wrong and indeed I was wrong, not only about Segun but about everything. In anger, she warned me never to say something like that again and she went on ranting about how the relationship is suffocating but I picked a few words; “even the phones wey we buy, no be me pay?”( even the phones we bought, I paid for them). “I thought you said he bought the phones” were the words that kept ringing in my head but my voice failed me. For that moment, I acted like a coward; I didn’t ask because I already heard enough and I didn’t know what to expect again. I was hurt not just because I felt betrayed, but felt stupid remembering how I said ‘thank you’ repeatedly to Segun and I imagined the thoughts that must have gone through his mind. I did not care to know the real Segun nor continued my initial mission. To me, they were both despicable.
I do not understand why many people treat life as a constant status update like they are more concerned with how their lives look than how it actually feels.
Why do we spend so much time yapping about how our lives are awesome or about how in love we are and about how we had a good day when actually none of it is true? Why do we waste our lives trying to be awesome most especially in the virtual world while in the physical, we are the opposite; unhappy, worried, stressed, lazy and to some extent useless. Many of these things stem from insecurity and its siblings.
The words of Shannon L. Alder seem to give a picturesque description “insecure people often falsify the past in order to make the future pure”.
Sometimes, we do this and push good people away. Do you even realize that all the time you waste on looking happy, contented and high living could be focused on actually achieving these things? What’s the whole point of being pretty on the outside when on the inside, you are so ugly? If you do this, find a purpose for your life, stop nurturing mediocrity and let go of the mirage called perfection, no one is. So, if you actually want to be rich, be rich by actually doing something. If you want love, learn to love yourself first. Follow your dreams for real and make sure that they are realistic and sensible. Make each day an opportunity to create a better you and become a real person, because at the end of the day, you realize that no one cares about the show you are putting up, so you might as well be real. Quit being fake and let the rays of reality shine through you to your world.
And to you ladies trying to get yourself worked up over your friend’s adventure or so called lucky charms, you should know that people wear a mask of lies just to look attractive. Also, quit finding your self-worth within what a man does for you, get busy and be productive! Live!